Break up or Make up?

“I am sorry,” is probably the hardest sentence to pronounce. There are two dimensions in reconciliation — One towards God and another towards man. To get reconciled with God is very easy  because  we  don’t  see  God  and  we  know  He  is  too  loving  to  not  forgive  us.  But reconciliation with another person churns our stomach because he is not God, he is a human being with human nature.

Jesus taught us that if we come to church and suddenly remember a grudge that a friend has against us, we must leave our offering right there at the altar, leave immediately, get right with the friend and then, and only then come to offer to God whatever we had brought for Him.

In other words, Jesus said that our relationship with man should come first before we ever try to get close to God. This is exactly what the apostle John taught us too: “If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, who he has seen, cannot love God who he has not seen. And He has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother,” (1Jn 4:19-21). There is no glossing over the truth.

If there were two people in the world for whom it was impossible to love one another, it was the Gentiles and the Jews. But the Bible says, Christ made them shake hands. It was not a fake reconciliation but a genuine oneness. Let’s see a passage from the Bible that high-lights the efforts taken by Christ to bring about these two parties, widely separated by centuries of enmity, to embrace one another.

“For He Himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing  wall  of  hostility,  by abolishing  in  His  flesh  the  law  with  its  commandments  and regulations. His purpose was to create in Himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which He put to death their hostility. He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. For through Him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit,” (Eph 2:14-18).

There are many lessons for us in this passage. When two people are not able to make up, Christ is hurt at the lack of peace because He Himself is our peace. When we stubbornly refuse reconciliation we are wounding Him. He is Jehovah-Shalom, the God of peace (Jud 6:24). “Seek peace and pursue it,” says the Bible (Psa 34:14).

When the Prince of Peace was born in earth, peace on earth was proclaimed (Isa 9:6; Lk 2:14). But today we hardly see peace anywhere on earth. It is not because God has failed but

because man has failed to play his role. There is no peace between countries; countries are torn apart  by civil wars; there is hatred between States in India; community clashes are an every day affair; the number of estranged couples has reached sky-rocketing proportions. In other words, man hates man. Sadly, the same state exists among believers too.

If both the parties are peace lovers, reconciliation becomes easy. Even if one party is not for it, then it becomes difficult. “I am a man of peace; but when I speak, they are for war,” laments David (Psa 120:7). Neither the Jews nor the Gentiles desired peace. So it seemed they were eternally at war with each other. Christ did not give up. What did He do? He came and preached

peace to you who were far away (Gentiles) and peace to those who were near (Jews). He wanted so much to bring them together that He spoke peace to both of them individually.

If you are not at peace with someone, consider this: The Christ who spoke to them that day speaks to you today through His words: “Have salt in yourselves and be at peace with each other” (Mk 9:50). If the salt loses its saltiness, it is good for nothing (Mt 5:13). Are you good for nothing or a salty person? You be your judge. If you are the salt of the earth, if you are a believer, honour the words of Christ, your Master, whom you worship.

Heavenly wisdom is peace loving but a saint  who  ignores the peace that God promises, returns to his folly (Js 3:17,18; Psa 85:8). The author of Hebrews admonishes us to “make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord,” (Heb 12:14). Work at getting along with each other and with God. Otherwise you will never ever get even a glimpse of God.

We take the matter of reconciliation too lightly. we must make every effort to get right with the one whom we have wronged or who has wronged us (Rom 14:19). The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. A couple of abortive attempts doesn’t mean you should close the case. Try again. Be mature enough to accept other people’s immaturity.

Lack of peace may be eating away our family. We may have dinners, festivals and guests with much water flowing under the bridge. Give up your ego and go to your spouse or child to make peace. Are you in talking terms with your siblings? If not, it may be a good place to start. Like a gale of pure air driving out stagnant clouds of pollution, peace will replace bitterness (Prov 17:1). God has called us to peace (1 Cor 7:15).

You cannot settle a matter peacefully if there is some fault in either side. First rectify that matter on your part, apologize, and then extend your hand for a shake. “righteousness and peace kiss each other”(Psa 85:10). Where we expect peace there should be righteousness. David was more than willing for reconciliation. Though Saul repented now and then, his attitude remained the same, making reconciliation impossible. It should not be a surface peace but a heart to heart settlement. If you lead a God-pleasing life, even your enemies will live in peace with you (Prov 16:7). If the fruit of the Spirit is peace, should we, who call ourselves Spirit-filled believers, fold our hands behind our backs and refuse to shake hands?

Christ made the two as one. There is neither Jew not Gentile, only Christians. If the two can forget their differences and become one, is it impossible for us to give up whatever we need to give up and hold hands? When Christ has shattered the hostility between the Gentile and the Jew, is it a big thing for Him to abolish your enmity? Submit whatever hostility is there between you two and ask Him to burn it up. Cooperate with God and take the initiative to break the impasse. Let not your false ego make you dither. Let not fear hold you down. Perfect love casts out fear. If you go, the Lord will come with you and make everything easy for you as He did for Esau and Jacob. This is my experience.

This peace-making was done by Christ through the cross in His flesh. It was not a cake-walk for Him. He suffered, shed His blood, hung in shame and agony, giving His back to be ploughed, whipped, spat upon, tortured, nailed alive to the cross. Today we will not even do it to an animal. But Christ bore the pain and ignominy to bring you together. Imagine the heart-breaking scenario of the cross.

If you have a derailed relationship, that means you are disrespecting the passions of Christ, counting it as nothing. All the sufferings He went through to bring about peace are made naught by your nonchalance. Whatever may be the barrier, ask God to break it down. He who broke down the middle wall of partition will easily remove your barricade too. Hate is a useless battle; it has to end sometime.

The purpose of Jesus was to reconcile both of them to God through the cross by forgiving their sins. When both were sinners then they became equals. Only in one place we find the Jews and Samaritans living together in peace—when they became lepers (Lk 17:12-18). Yet, on the cross, by His sufferings, He brought the archenemies together that they may have access to the Father.

Reconciliation opens the door for you to  have access to the Father. The door is locked otherwise. The key is in your hand!

The greatest reconciliation that took place in the history of the planet earth is God reconciling Himself to mankind. We hurt God our Father disastrously by our sins against Him. God ought to have destroyed us. But He sent Jesus Christ to this wicked world to live among dirty sinners and finally sacrificed Him on the cruel cross, thus making peace. He, on His part did everything to get reconciled to us. How much more we ought to get reconciled to one another! Is your offender worse than the sinner who  hurt  God? Are you holier than God not to take a step towards reconciliation? Is your situation worse than that, that happened between God and man? If God condescended to make up with man, it is only stubborness and stiff-neckedness, if we do not take steps to embrace our enemy. “...God who reconciled us to Himself through Christ... not counting men’s sins against them” (2 Cor 5:18,19).

When you hold a grudge against another, remember, you are as much a sinner as the other. We all were lepers before God. There is no clean leper and unclean leper. All of us are washed by the blood of the Lamb. Then why consider the other person less than you? He/she is your brother/sister. Go to them and iron out your differences. A careless word or action can ruin a relationship. If that happens we should immediately make amends and apologise, else it may haunt us for life.

Forgiveness is not passive; genuine forgiveness is a positive act requiring enormous spiritual strength. Reconciliation is a hop skip and jump away from where you are sitting. Get up and go to your computer and send an email or write a letter. Easier still is to take your mobile and call the concerned and give him a big surprise. Better still, visit him in person, look into his eyes, hold his hands and say, “I am sorry.” Bring yourself to say that most difficult sentence. You will discover beneath the gruff exterior of your enemy, one of warmest human beings. If he charges you, do not defend yourself. Take the blame on your chin. Keep on apologizing with love in your eyes.  Avoid  justifying  your  behaviour. Then  you will find  the other person melting  down, creating a win-win situation. Your relationship will be back on solid ground. Even if the other person is stubborn, you have done your part and peace will flood your soul. Play your part and leave the result in God’s hand. I guarantee that your apology will have a profound effect on him.

Don’t allow the cold war to get even chillier. You two may not gel seamlessly but you would enjoy the peace of a genuine handshake. More than anything, the purpose for which Christ hung on the cross will be served. Let not the devil take the victory. Defeat the devil and may Christ be glorified. Your heart will feel as light as the clouds.